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What have I done

am I no longer the one

you come to with your problems

well I wish I could solve them

but I need you to tell me

how it should be

i'll do whatever it takes

there's so much at stake

what more do you want from me

I've given you everything

that I can

what more do you want

your face is haunting me

what more could you want from me

I'll give you anything

that you need

what more do you want

I'm not the same as the others

I'd never do that to you

trust shouldn't be an issue

I've told you that I love you.

Not having such a great night/morning (it is almost 3am after all)

Anyways. that's just what came to mind. No editing or re-reading. Posting as is. I don't even care right now.

And there it is!

That's the piercing! I'm a little excited.

OKKKKKKK

So yeah. It's been a little while. ... A long while. OOPS! Here's the news :

Trip : WONDERFUL. Loved it. Great Lakes Crossing Mall is the bestttt(that I've been to anyway)
Only regret is i didn't have enough time in Forever 21. Newfound love in H&M though. I'm not going to say everything I bought.. because well.. there was a lot. haha SO on to other things.

New music obsessions : fell in love with Sarah McLachlan again on the airplane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xyGOeG8vdo

Discovered the band Parachute. Got their newest CD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G56KwfJIodI&feature=PlayList&p=BA4913B1819EB577

ummm. OH!. Offspring. New and old. Obviously. So I'm talking :

Kristy Are You Doing Okay? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHw3MscfflY,

Pretty Fly For A White Guy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLkIB5l-OlM
Fix You, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyXVFm8ow_0

Original Prankster, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5NAQBn7N_k

etc. LOVES!

and though I've loved them for 3 or so years, I recently discovered the acoustic versions Flyleaf has put out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-EBHBZJAmw

They seriously gave me chills.

Hm. what else? No new tv addictions. I haven't watched any in ages. It cuts into my reading time. Now, as much as I'd like to say I read a lot of books. I don't. Not anymore. I'm not ashamed to admit I read fanfiction. But it's usually something called Alternate Universe. and in most cases, has absolutely NOTHING to do with the original text other than character names. I just love to give support to authors who deserve it but haven't made it big time. Though there's at least one who actually is on the way to getting her story published.

In terms of real books though, I just re-read "About A Boy" because I love it, and I just bought "The Heroin Diaries" which is Nikki Sixx's story. I actually found that through listening, inadvertently, to the soundtrack.

MOVIES. In theatre, I recently saw "Law Abiding Citizen" and "Zombieland". I reccomend both. Good performances in both, though LAC could have used a better ending. Then again, a lot of things could have.

DVDs. Recently bought : Pan's Labyrinth, The Prestige, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and The Departed. All part of my huge favorites list.

School has been.. well I haven't really been there between taking the trip, being sick and sleeping in (oops). Work has been a bit better, a lot of people have quit though.

Being sick blows. I've only got a common cold, but still. If one more person looks at me and says "you've got the swine" I'm seriously going to get violent. I won't start in on my H1N1 tirade, but I will say this : it's a load of bullshit.

2 last points for now. My laptop is a piece of shit. anddddd

I got my tongue pierced!!! yayyyyy! Barely hurt at all.

anyway, enough of my pscyho-babble-bullshit. (what is that from? haha)

ta ta

Trip

So. I left Newfoundland on October 10. Spent a week in Ontario, and am currently in Michigan. Here are some things I've learned.

1. Do not leave packing within 10 hours of your flight. You will forget something.
2. 2 hours sleep and no food does not make your body feel good.
3. When buying gum to help your ears do not leave it in your cab.
4. Online check in saves you an assload of time.
5. When goig through security do not babble like an idiot. They'll give you weird looks.
6. Never sit next to an emergency exit. They expect you to do stuff.
7. Check in earlier so you get a window seat. Way cooler than being stuck in the middle.
8. It's really hard to sleep in an upright position, but once your eyes burn from being open, exhaustion will take over.
9. Small talk is over-rated.
10. It's not hard to find your way through the Toronto airport if you follow the people you know were on your plane.
11. When your father says he doesn't know where he parked - believe him.
12. GPS systems do not tell you when roads are under construction.
13. Even if you thought you couldn't nap, if you lay down under a blanket on anything remotely comfortable you will take about 10 naps throughout the day. And still sleep through the night.
14. Some contractors are assholes.
15. Chick-a-dees are not to be feared.
16. Chipmunks are stealthy, spastic little things.
17. Never go in a boat looking for ducks with your father
18. Duct-tape can fix an antenna
19. Futon mattresses are best left in the middle of the floor.
20. Home Hardware is not a fun store.
21. In the IGA parking lot, people in trucks don't care if you are walking. They will come within 2 feet of hitting you.
22. Thai restaurants can close even when their hours say they should be open.
23. Kawartha Dairy is the best.
24. Pumkin pie is amazing.
25. When ordering dessert, even if you have no idea what the waitress said, but something involves ice-cream -- order it.
26. 8 hour drives suck.
27. Even more so when you take the 401.
28. Squirrels don't look both way before crossing the street.
29. Harvey's will give you a diet Pepsi when you ask for iced-tea.
30. In terms of stores - Newfoundland blows.
31. If you see a cat for one week a year, it will finally let you pet it the third time.
32. Never go shoping with a man - even if it's only for groceries.
33. When buying a whack of stuff to make sandwiches make sure you remember the bread.
34. When deciding to make a cheesecake look at a recipe before you get to Kroger. That way you will buy the other 2 packages of cream cheese you needed.
35. Sometimes a take out carton of pad-thai can last a person 3 days.
36. It's easy to tell a gym isn't in use when you are attacked by cobwebs trying to use the machines in there.
37. Don't save your money - your father does not want to go to a mall.
38. Pop Tarts are way cooler in the US. You can get chocolate chip cookie dough.
39. ABC family will stay play the same season of Full House at 2:00 that they have for at least the last 4 years.
40. Being alone all day will make you bored enough to create a list such as this one.

SUPER DUPER EXCITED!

I can barely control it! I think I might explodeeeeee! With happiness that is!

This day has been greattttt!

First, I got paid :)
Second, I hung out with one of my best friends :) :)
Third, I went to Model Citizens again.. and got a shirt :) :) :)
Fourth, I finally got a biker jacket :) :) :) :)
Fifth, it was my uncle's birthday and I got to spend the evening with him :) :) :) :) :)
and last, but very certainly not least, when I got home I had gotten my flight itinerary! I leave in 50 days! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;0 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) !!!

Cannot waittttttt!
Might eventually get photos of the jacket and shirt, and the clothes I mentioned in other posts.
That's all for now, I need to spread the GREAT word!
see yaaaaaaaaaaa

Down

Slipping from your grasp
Or are you just letting me go?
Please hold on tight,
I need you, you know?

Now out of your reach,
I keep going down.
The bottom is near,
I no longer wear a crown.

But then I feel your fingers,
And I'm not drowning any longer.
Your grasp is coming back,
your fight, to be with me, is stronger.

And now what will happen?
My head breaches the water,
But it doesn't matter what comes,
You're my father, I'm your daughter.

lookbook!

I've got one now! this is me.
http://lookbook.nu/user/57123-Ashley-F
I'll write more about it later.. I'm going to miss my bus...


Back again! Work was..ok. only 3 1/2 hours. All spent working cash except the last 20 minutes where I folded some shirts. Even though I took cold & sinus medication before I left I felt as though it was worse when I got there. Maybe it's the air in there? I don't know. I had a customer notice I was sick, and he said " a cold in August? Really? It must be the swine." I thought it was quite funny.

But back to Lookbook. It's a site where you can post your outfits, just to show them to the world. I've gotten some inspiration from there, and a friend of mine had an account so she invited me. It is invite only, but if someone actually reads this, and you are interested in fashion and want to join, let me know, I can probably get you an invite. My only problem now is choosing what is worthy of my account, because I don't always feel in the mood to dress up. And I don't like to waste my last few pictures on my dSLR for the sake of showing what I'm wearing. I think I'm going to use my next couple paychecks to buy a simple point and shoot camera.

Other than that, True Blood is on tonight!
That's all folks, ta ta

Oh gorsh damnit.

So lately I've had a few new mild addictions. Let's start with music.

Sick Puppies. Absolutely love them. Shim is amazing, he has a great voice and I'm impressed with his high notes. I commend them for having a female bassist(Emma) because I find bands tend to be full of males. It's kind of refreshing. My favorite song thus far is My World. I'm waiting to go get their albums. So for now I've been using Youtube.

Speaking of Youtube, my latest video addiction is Jake and Amir, through Collegehumor. Amir is silly, hilarious and 'stupid.' Jake is adorable and easily aggitated. Sometimes the videos make absokutely no sense, but that's exactly the way I like it. They should be on tv.

So, on to the third addiction, tv wise. True Blood. Absolutely love it. Vampires have certainly become big in the past year, but screw Twilight. True Blood is where it's at. I'm beginning to think S.Meyer had that 'dream' of her about Twilight from reading 'The Southern Vampire Mysteries' before bed. The similarities are making me hate Twilight even more. But, more about True Blood. I love Anna Paquin in this, she fits Sookie well. And the relationship between her and Bill is fairly normal. Ups and downs. Only he's a vampire... the extent of my addiction was that I watched over 600 minutes of True Blood within less than 24 hours. and that includes sleeping hours. I've caught up to where they are on HBO. So tomorrow, at 10:30, you can find me plopped in front of a tv with all my attention on True Blood.

On to book addiction. The Time Traveler's Wife. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I cried when I finished. Partially because I was done, and partially because of the story. The writing was wonderful, and the plot as well as characters, original. It was highly addictive, and I reccomend it. I am worried however about the movie. I really want to see it, but I also don't. I've heard bad things about it. And I'm worried it won't capture the magic of the novel. But I also want to see first hand how they decided to go about it.

That's all for addictions for now.

As for my debating in the last post, I did buy a pair of heels after, they are borderline gladiator, with a spike heel. I wore them to a cousin's wedding. No mishaps except when I was on a slippery incline and had to stop behind a horde of people, even then I managed to stay upright. And with the heels I had a wonderful purple dress. Which was borrowed, and I wish was my own. It's purple and comes to mid thigh, and has 3 wonderful flowers attached half on the side, ending approximately at my hip. Even I thought I looked good in it. Which is rare. Everyone liked it though. Apparently it made me look slimmer, which I'm not complaining about at all.

Now for my unhappiness. I've recently(as in yesterday) aquired a mild cold. Now I'm all sniffly, aching throat and coughing. Going to be wonderful to deal with customers later. Speaking of work, I'm highly irritated with my boss. She's cut my hours, because of things I have no control over. If this persists I may look for a new job.

And lastly, the happy part. I haven't been seeing much of my friends this summer, but now we have a picnic planned for Monday. And I'm really excited. :D

That's all for today.
Check ya laterrrrrrr (that's from 'Dazed and Confused' if you were wondering)

Oooooh!

I thought of something exciting!
I have 2 new dresses that I found at Model Citizens ( the vintage shop downtown if you didn't know).
A plaid spaghetti strapped Ralph Lauren, and a dress labeled 'the hot little black dress' from Forever 21 - it buttons up.
Photos to come later?

Also I finally got around to reading 'The Time Traveler's Wife', great so far, realized the film comes out on August 14! Soooo excited :D Rachel McAdams is perfect to play Clare.

Harry Potter HBP was comical. It strayed from the book, but kept a lot. This was supposed to be the more serious one.. so I'm not sure why it had so much more humor than the others. It baffles me. But it was ALLL worth it just to see the end. This is a spoiler for those who don't know.. so DUMBLEDORE DIEDDD! and it was fantastic!

Other than that I've been having an internal debate on buying a pair of platform gladiator sandals.. they're adorable, but with my klutziness I'm not sure it's a wonderful idea.

That's all for now..
ta ta my non-existant readers.

Me. Moi. Mich.

So I haven't really written about me, just.. poetry type things. Alors, here we are. An entry dedicated to myself.

Firstly, my main language is English, but, as previously demonstrated in the last sentence, I am known to randomly use words French words. This comes from taking French immersion for 6 years, and core French the 2 years prior. In addition to French (which I can speak conversationally), I am also able to speak basic German, and am in the process of self-taught Russian.

I am 17 years old, having just finished, and hopefully graduated from, grade 12. I reside in St. John's, Newfoundland ..which is in Canada if you didn't know.

I am very into photography, and am slowly trying to gather more equipment, and hopefully some models so that I can practice portraits that aren't of myself. Having gotten into photography I frequent and am part of DeviantART, and Flickr. I also browse through random photography sites, Model Mayhem (both for inspiration and search of local models) and lastly Lookbook. I find that lookbook can not only give me inspiration for my wardrobe but also for my photography. I have also found that my need to look not only presentable, but 'fashionable' - but in my own sense(not a clone of everyone else) and I'm thinking of applying for a Lookbook account, though I am undecided.

Other than photography my greatest loves are reading/writing (fiction, non-fiction, poetry..blogs), music/singing and drawing. While I think I have gotten off to a good start in photography, and am possibly above-average is writing, and have been told I have a great voice, and am a wonderful artist, I STILL doubt myself in these areas. I have greatly improved my confidence over the past few months though.

I don't really know what else to say, so that's it for my little autobiography I suppose.

ta ta for now

My Mistake

Do you think you could be proud of the measly things I've done
When you look down on me do you think my life's over or just begun
Decisions, decisions, so many thoughts run through my head
I wish you were here to help me but sadly you're in heaven instead.

And my striving goes unnoticed
Do they really think they know this
It's my life
my choice
my mistakes.

It's only for the best, it's what they always say
but I sit here and wait, 'til I can see the day
when we're together again
it helped so much
you lifted me up when I was down
and in your head I always wore a crown

and my striving goes unnoticed
do they really think they know this
it's my life
my choice
my mistakes
and I'll wait forever
if that's what it takes
to see you
'cause I miss you
don't know how I'll get through
without you

you were in my life
it was my choice
my mistake

But I'll try for you
My apologies to you




Was having a thinking moment, this was the result. I didn't reread it..so the grammar/spelling might be terrible. It might not even make sense. But I can't read through tears.

Coffee cups clinks.
People sipping drinks.
Nestled in a chair, book in hand,
see a gesture, not so grand.
Company not arrived, wondering where it is.
Alone for now, is it better somehow?

Warmth

Rain.
Pitter pat, pitter pat.
Rain.
Through clouds, through streets, through clothes and gaps.
Rain.
Splish splash, spash splish.
Rain.
Rubber boots, puddles, every child's wish.
Rain.


I adore the rain, it makes me smile.

Surround

I was told I'd be given one word. Followed by a short time span to write my first thoughts upon viewing it. I click 'GO'. I see the word ; 'surround'. And this is what came to be :


Surrounded by people, lonely inside. Feeling empty while being fulfilled. Why? Who deserves that? Perhaps I do. Friends? Acquaintances? Or merely someone to pass the time? Truth needs to come out. Will it ever? Surrounded by people. Is it true? I wish I knew.